I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
i out mim tonsoeep
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
