You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Randomize
