I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
