he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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