you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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