I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
