$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
