Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
