why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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