my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize