Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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