my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
