If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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