had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
