i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
our cab driver is having phone sex.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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