it's not cheating when I paid for it
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
