I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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