I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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