Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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