Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize