: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
