So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I DEMAND FORESKIN
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
