me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize