And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize