I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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