Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
it's like iHOP with fire
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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