So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
