I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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