He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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