You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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