why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
