You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
