I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
