$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
