So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
