Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
