My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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