I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
you win again, gameday.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
