Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
