Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
