we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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