I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
