3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Farmville is her only friend.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
