haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
