Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
