I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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