yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I checked into jail on foursquare
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
