SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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