Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
