I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
