Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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