Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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