she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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