"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
