I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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