if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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