there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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