this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
