he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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