Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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