i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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