Your tits are I can't wait for
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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