Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize