Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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