I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
