Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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