I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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