My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
