Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
