that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
