SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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