Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
