I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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