I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
She even gives head with a lisp.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
